...why the sun lightens our
hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on
mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the
headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they
...why you have to click on
"Start" to stop Windows 98?
...why lemon juice is made
with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests
all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't
mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when
it has a "new &improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those
...why they sterilize the
needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the
whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
...why sheep don't shrink
when it rains?
...why they are called
apartments when they are all stuck together?
...if con is the opposite of
pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport
"the terminal" if flying is so safe?
In case you need further
proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual
label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not
use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: ..You
could be a winner! No purchase necessary. details inside. (the shoplifter
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions:
Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen
dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed
on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks &Spencer Bread
Pudding:"Product will be hot after heating." (...and
On packaging for a Rowenta
iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning:
May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas
lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me
on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning:
contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines
packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe,
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
I don't blame the company. I
blame the parents for this one:
On a Swedish
chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was
there a lot of this happening somewhere?)