The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, 
and he was feeling better.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had 
completely disappeared

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, 
mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused an autopsy.

The patient has no past history of suicides.

The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane 
ran out of gas and crashed.

She is numb from her toes down.

The skin was moist and dry.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.  

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.  

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.  

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.  

While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.  

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.  

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 
she got a divorce.  

Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid.  

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.  

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.  

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus- sized.  

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.  

Skin: somewhat pale but present.  

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.  

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.  

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night.