Constipated people don’t give a crap.  

Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.  

Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.  

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No hard feelings.”  

I have a body of a god – Buddha.  

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.  

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.  

Illiterate? Write for help.  

If sex is a pain in the butt, then you’re doing it wrong.  

Fight crime: Shoot back!  

Guys: No shirt, no services. Girls: No shirt, no charge.  

How many roads must a man travel down – before he admits he is lost ?  

All men are animals, some just make better pets.  

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.  

WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.  

I need someone really bad…… are you really bad ?