Points To Ponder

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"  

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's ass."  

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?  

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?  

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?  

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the car pool lane?  

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?  

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their ass when they ask where the bathroom is?  

Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed considering what happens next?  

Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?  

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?  

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?  

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?  

Stop singing and read on . . .

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?  

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?  

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?  

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?  

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start over again?  

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!  

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping", now I just "chunky dunk"  

The early bird still has to eat worms.  

The worst thing about accidents in the kitchen is eating them.  

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.  

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.  

My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.  

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour!  

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.