Spotted in a toilet of a London office:
Toilet out of order. Please use floor below

In a Laundromat:
Automatic washing machines: please remove all your 
clothes when the light goes out

In a London department store:
Bargain basement upstairs

In an office:
Would the person who took the stepladder yesterday please 
bring it back or further steps will be taken

In an office:
After tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand 
upside down on the draining board

Outside a second-hand shop:
We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines, etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?  

Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness

Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants please stay in your car

Seen during a conference:
For anyone who has children and doesn't know it, 
there is a day care on the first floor

Notice in a field:
The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, 
but the bull charges

Message on a leaflet:
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons

On a repair shop door:
We can repair anything. 
(Please knock hard on door - bell doesn't work.)