Notes for the Milkman

These are actual notes left for the Milkman.

"Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."  

"Please leave an extra pint of paralyzed milk."  

"Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it."  

"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby, and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."  

"Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way 'round."  

"When you leave my milk, knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress."  

"Please knock. My TV's broken down, and I missed last night's SOPRANOS. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened?"  

"My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver, or do I have to shake the bottle?"  

"Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbor told me."  

"Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."  

"From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."  

"My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table, because we want to play bingo tonight."  

"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday or is it today?"  

"When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out, and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don't leave any milk."  

"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."